on the page magazine

issue no. 9, winter 2002–2003


catch of the day fish

All Chipper wanted was milk and cookies, milk and cookies. Pediatrician said: "Don't give in. He'll get hungry eventually and eat something else." So Enid tried to be patient, but Chipper sat down to lunch and declared: "This smells like vomit!"

~ The Corrections, by Jonathan Franzen

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, dead.

~ Woody Allen

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

~ Jim Carrey

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

~ Steven Wright

What I say is that, if a man really likes potatoes, he must be a pretty decent sort of fellow.

~ A.A. Milne

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

~ Orson Welles

After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations.

~ Oscar Wilde

It is illegal to give someone food in which has been found a dead mouse or weasel.

~ Ancient Irish law

I'm a man. Men cook outside. Women make the three-bean salad. That's the way it is and always has been, since the first settlers of Levittown. That outdoor grilling is a manly pursuit has long been beyond question. If this wasn't firmly understood, you'd never get grown men to put on those aprons with pictures of dancing wienies and things on the front and messages like "Come 'n' Get It!"

~ William Geist, The New York Times Magazine

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